Missions
My first relationship was never like this. I was sixteen, barely old enough to know what emotion was. He was in his thirties... and married. But he was a knight, and I had that naive soft spot for men dressed in shiney clothes. His wife, which I'm sure was a very nice lady, was never around, and we found ourselves sneaking off and hiding so as no one (and when I say no one, I mean his friends and brother knights) could stumble upon us. We would talk for hours, about everything you've ever wanted to talk about with someone. But we never kissed. Yes, we liked each other very much, but he was dedicated to his lost wife, so we shared nothing more than held hands. Sir Geber was an honorable man, and I hope not to shame him with this story. Our meetings ended suddenly and without any warning, but I still look back on them with a smile. Even if it wasn't a full-fledged relationship; even if there was no physical contact, I wantedthat same dedication that Sir Geber felt for his wife.
And now...
I'm seen but not really seen. I've attempted to become more mature in everything I do so I'm taken more seriously. It always seems to fail though. He brought me a kite today. It's a diamond shaped piece of parchment tied to a string and supposedly they are quite rare. He's always bringing me gifts. With ease, he showed me how the wind propels the kite up into the sky. However, every attempt I made to get this kite above ground level was futile. It just didn't want to fly for me. He just smoked his cigarettes and laughed. I felt like a complete idiot on the inside. Here I am, trying to be more adult-oriented and I'm playing a children's game. But it made him laugh, so I suppose it was completely worth it. I wanted so badly for him to look me in the eye and say, "Lime, I see you" with or without that silly smirk on his face. But he will go eventually. I know this and refuse to accept it.
I acted completely immature from that point on. So much that I refuse to embarrass myself further by discussing it. He's introverted, he's selfish, he's mental, but he smiles and laughs with me. He's even jealous when other men talk to me... but he doesn't see.
Someday he will. That's my mission.
And now...I'm seen but not really seen. I've attempted to become more mature in everything I do so I'm taken more seriously. It always seems to fail though. He brought me a kite today. It's a diamond shaped piece of parchment tied to a string and supposedly they are quite rare. He's always bringing me gifts. With ease, he showed me how the wind propels the kite up into the sky. However, every attempt I made to get this kite above ground level was futile. It just didn't want to fly for me. He just smoked his cigarettes and laughed. I felt like a complete idiot on the inside. Here I am, trying to be more adult-oriented and I'm playing a children's game. But it made him laugh, so I suppose it was completely worth it. I wanted so badly for him to look me in the eye and say, "Lime, I see you" with or without that silly smirk on his face. But he will go eventually. I know this and refuse to accept it.
I acted completely immature from that point on. So much that I refuse to embarrass myself further by discussing it. He's introverted, he's selfish, he's mental, but he smiles and laughs with me. He's even jealous when other men talk to me... but he doesn't see.
Someday he will. That's my mission.
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