Easy Does It


I wasn't afraid to kill myself. Not in the least. It would have been easy to just slip into the bathtub at the cottage, and not come back up for air. Or just bleed into my freshly growing flowers that are starting to grow back in the garden. Ironic no? Taking life on fresh life. It was easy to envision. Some wandering soldier (since there's so many that like to trifle through my things) would come into my home, find my corpse, and raise the alarm. Oh no, another gypsy dead. Not like there aren't handfuls of them around Romania. And they'd take my body to the waste and dump it with all the other unidentified bodies. Some sentimental fool would come to my house and out of respect, burn my house to the ground. I would have liked that. Hey, I'm still thinking of just burning down my house for sport. It gives me goosebumps just thinking about it.

The letter wasn't a cry for help, it was a declaration of what I was to do. I was ready. Completely. But my weak little heart was talked out of it. I didn't want to be talked out of it. I wanted my blood to be smeared upon the walls and for someone to gripe about cleaning it up. I wanted my death to be a reiteration of someone's past, for them to feel the pain that I felt. But I somehow never let go of the emotions that brought me to the decision to end my life. Those emotions brought me back. Killing myself was going to solve everything, but living will give me everything.

Comments

Rowane de'Dannan said…
We're all glad that you did talk your way out of it.
9:29 AM
Zillah said…
That's all well and good, but I'm still not letting you out of my sight for any long period of time...
4:41 PM
Anonymous said…
mission accomplished?
3:49 AM
Nadia Ravenswick said…
Killing yourself doesn't really solve anything. I tried it once, but I stopped myself for oh, one or two reasons. Now that I think about it, there was only one reason.

I also asked someone to kill me. We were sitting on my bed and he told me about his past. Then we started talking about me, and somehow we stumbled upon the subject of death. Then I asked him to kill. We were so close, but he stopped before I passed out, and our conversation picked up where it had left off.

Honey, death isn't really the answer. I'm glad that you were talked out of it, because you're one little gypsy I would have missed lots.

<3
7:50 AM
Lime said…
killing oneself does solve everything. you're dead. kaput. nothing to deal with from your life. that was the appeal to it. but i'm greedy and still want things. gypsies are like that. and no, it's not mission accomplished. mission accomplished would have been blood filled water in my bedroom.
10:31 AM
Nadia Ravenswick said…
Nah, it doesn't really solve anything, it just brings everything to a very sudden halt. Those are two very different things, whether one wants to believe so or not.
2:26 PM
Rowane de'Dannan said…
"killing oneself does solve everything. you're dead."

And how long have you been dating a dead boy? Does he look like he's solved everything?

No offense, Zillah.
2:45 PM
Zillah said…
Oh, no. Really, now that I'm dead, my life is care-fucking-free. I don't have psychotic vampire bitches trying to claw my eyes out, or even more psychotic wanna-be vampire bitches trying to steal my blood for their insane bloodbath rituals, or random people lynching me while I'm taking a peaceful nap in Orchid's shop, or a nutcase girlfriend who wants to kill herself, or an insatiable hunger for inflicting pain and consuming flesh, or the Devil's Concubine tugging me this way and that on a very short leash, or a reincarnated Jack the Ripper trying to pass his job off on me... *rants*
Nope, no problems at all. Just dead & easy. Yessir.


... *twitch*
3:06 PM
Nadia Ravenswick said…
First off, I'm not his damn concubine. Second, I do not tug you this way and that. At least not anymore. We talk, we discuss, it is nothing like what it used to be. So you just need to back up off me, Zillah. Tug your chain? I can show you tugging of a chain. Slip my choker round your neck and let's just see. You never struck me as one who would be pulled around just for the hell of it. And you're so not being pulled around -- at least not by me. So you just need to back up off of me and what I'm supposedly (read:not) doing.

Understood? I hope so.
6:53 PM
Zillah said…
*winks to Amducious...*
11:27 AM
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